The true story of Emma, brand manager

Meet Emma, a 28 year-old Brand Manager in the Foods & Drinks industry. Her vibrant smile and warm demeanour often light up the office, but beneath her cheerful personality lies a constant battle with self-doubt.

Despite her accomplishments and reputation for being friendly, helpful, funny, and intelligent, Emma grapples with an ever-present feeling of inadequacy that has haunted her for years.

Emma thrives on her role, managing a prominent brand in this scale-up organisation, yet her internal dialogue whispers doubts about her capabilities. She can’t shake the belief that someone else could do her job better, that promotions elude her, and she remains unseen by those who matter most in her career advancement. These self-imposed pressures have tethered her confidence and perpetuated a cycle of anxiety. No one but Emma sees it.

One day, an email from the marketing director lands in her inbox, requesting a discussion about the brand plan she’s been meticulously crafting since last Tuesday. Her heart races as the familiar waves of stress wash over her. It’s as if a part of Emma’s mind is waving red flags, warning her that this meeting could unveil her marketing incompetence. As she prepares for the discussion, her thoughts are consumed with fears of being exposed as a total fraud.

In the meeting, Emma finds herself in a familiar mode – that of a people-pleaser. The marketing director starts the meeting by sharing his observations and views on the story telling angle and some of the conclusions she had drawn out of the focus group insights they got the previous week. Quite challenging to hear, and she feels some of it is misconstrued and incorrect, based on conversations she had with the cross-functional team earlier this week. Emma’s mind is racing as the sheer amount of rework and changes appears clear. She nods in agreement with every suggestion the director makes, even when it clashes with her vision of the plan to grow her brand. For a split second, she hesitates to express her true opinions, fearing that her ideas might be deemed inadequate or worse – stupid. Each nod feels like another step deeper into the façade she’s built around herself. It feels too late now, that she’s missed the window (once again), and gives up the mind battle to simply follow the guidance of the director – it’ll save her time, surely? Less back-and-forth.

Back at her desk, the weight of her suppressed opinions lingers. She glances at her Inbox for a moment of digital distraction until she sees an e-mail from the head of category asking her to help out on a shopper market research piece related to her brand. She isn’t quite sure what she’s asked to do but knows the category team is under resourced, so she assumes she’ll have to taker a bigger leading role than would be appropriate. She’s already overburdened with tasks, yet she agrees to take on this extra project to keep everyone happy, and avoid disappointing anyone which, she knows, might have repercussions on how she’s perceived in the office. Her people-pleasing tendencies push her boundaries to the limit, causing her to shoulder more than her fair share. Her desk becomes a battlefield of deadlines and priorities, each one a testament to her inability to say “no.”

Late nights at the office become a norm as she diligently tackles her growing to-do list. She’s driven by the desire to prove herself, but the fear of disappointing others keeps her from standing up for her own needs. Emma sacrifices her own well-being to maintain the appearance of accommodating every request.

At home, the cycle continues. She procrastinates on critical tasks, convincing herself that delaying them will somehow lead to a better outcome. Her fear of not meeting expectations immobilizes her, and she spirals further into self-doubt. She cancels the plans with Cathy and Jen for tonight , convinced that she needs to focus solely on work. As her social life dwindles, so does her sense of balance and fulfilment.

Emma’s journey is all too familiar for those trapped in the people-pleasing cycle. She’s trapped in a web of self-imposed pressures, her every action dictated by the fear of disappointing others. Her story exemplifies the challenges that many face when striving for perfection in the eyes of those around them, often at the cost of their own well-being.

I have battled with may disruptive people-pleasing tendencies myself and help others to have a handle on this syndrome. The day described here about Emma isn’t an unusual day, it’s unfortunately a normal working day for her.

I invite you now to reflect on your own work life. Are you inadvertently becoming trapped in similar patterns? Emma’s story reminds us of the importance of being ourselves, asserting our opinions, and recognizing our self-worth. It’s a testament to the need for a healthier balance between dedication to our careers and our own mental and emotional wellness.

If you are a team leader, beware of your staff that’s battling with people-pleasing habits. Shedding the weight of it is the key to outstanding leadership, and they’re well capable of it.

Magali

Leadership Coach who loves working with silent marketers 😉