This week I’m talking about those of us with people pleasing habits at work (and beyond).

Oh, you’re not one ? This is still for you so please read on. There is at least one person working with you in the office that has a people-pleasing profile. And as a leader, it’s so important to read them so you can better understand them and be a better manager / leader as a result!

No one is a people pleaser.

Let me make something clear. No one is a people pleaser. No one. Despite what you may have heard or even said. 

Words carry meanings. They’re important. Therefore, let’s make the distinction:

I am a people pleaser.

➡️This is not true, and is certainly unhelpful.

Saying this basically makes people-pleasing part of your DNA. You therefore ALWAYS say yes, ALWAYS put yourself last, ALWAYS reject compliments etc etc…see what I mean? I bet you’ve participated in heated conversations? Perhaps you’ve done enjoyed this, that’s a different thing altogether. 

By saying “I’m a people pleaser” (or “she’s a people pleaser”), you’re basically training your mind to believe so, and next time you’re presenting your category plan to the board, your mind will certainly remind you of this belief, and this is then when the stress, overwhelm, memory issue, etc start and you lose confidence, which as a vicious cycle reinforce your mind’s narrative of you not being strong enough, good enough, etc, etc.

I have a tendency to people please when I get triggered.

➡️This is accurate, and helps debunk your mind’s negative stories about yourself.

This reframed way of phrasing it suggests you may people please IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES only. Which is a crucial point to make and remember. Your tendency to people please may surface when you get triggered. The more you rephrase your negative self-talk, the more resourceful you will become.

How to spot people pleasing habits?

Below are 12 ways to recognise a people pleasing tendency WHEN these are recurring (if you feel guilty for saying no once, it doesn’t mean anything. If however you continuously feel bad at the thought of it, often enough, regularly, then it might be one sign to watch).

I will say for those who recognise themselves in this, or those who identify colleagues or direct reports, one thing is for sure, what is visible on the outside is nothing comparing to the mental heaviness of the triggering situations inside the head of someone who has people pleasing tendencies when triggered.

💡If you’re leading a team and struggle to think about ways to bring the topic about, simply send me a message and I might be able to help you with this.

HOW ABOUT TRYING OUT SOME OF THESE NOW

1. Delay your response.

Take the time to think before responding to a request, don’t answer straight away. This will help you think whether you want to or have the time for it.

2. Start small.

How about saying no to things that seem insignificant or without much of an impact. This will build your confidence over time as you start responding to requests with more weight!

3. Decline without any justification or apologies.

It will stop the requester in his/her track. Instead of saying “I’m really sorry but I already have a customer meeting and….” , stick to the facts and say “I can’t do it”, “I’m unavailable that day”. Anyone hearing an apology may be tempted to use this sign of guilt against you and influence you some other ways… Force yourself to stick to few words. And the fact, and only the fact. 

4. Keep going.

Very often when someone with a habit of people pleasing starts becoming more assertive, people around them get a little surprised and wonder why it was so easy to ask anything from you some time ago and now it seems impossible? This might be true in the short ter, and you’ll be in a much more comfortable place in the long run. Setting boundaries take time but be sure that people take notice. Respect will rise as well. 

DISCOVER IF YOU HAVE THIS PEOPLE PLEASING TENDENCY…OR PERHAPS 5 OTHER ONES?

It only takes 2 minutes to answer these 30 questions and know your mind traps!

Try it here

You’ll then be able to get tailored content from me based on your results. Only if….you answer…..the truth. Nothing but the truth. 

Right, speak soon!

Mags

I’m an FMCG Leadership Coach and demystify the mechanics of your mindsets at work • 1:1 Coach & Mentor | Group Workshop | Keynote Speaker

Visit me at startingblockscoaching.com

Message me: [email protected]