Never say "Don't take it personally" again

The phrase “Don’t take it personally” is often tossed around during moments of feedbacks or critiques. It may be sounding innocent enough, and used with the best intentions, intended to diffuse emotional reactions, yet is a classic way of asserting control and spreading self-doubt, and its actual impact can be far more complex and counterproductive!

This phrase tends to carry a dismissive undertone, inadvertently invalidating the hard work and dedication of employees. I want to re-examine it and understand why taking things personally might actually be a sign of a healthy, engaged, and passionate workforce. You're with me?

Worse than "Don't take it personally" might be "Don't take it personally, okay?"....oh so belittling!!! My blood pressure is going up, just now !

Passion and personal investment in marketing

When someone is truly passionate about their brand and marketing work, they naturally invest a significant part of their identity into their role. For example, a marketer doesn’t just execute strategies... they craft narrative, motivate their teams to connect with consumers and pour creativity into campaigns. Criticizing a strategy without acknowledging the effort and reasoning behind it can feel like a direct attack on their professional identity.

Saying "Don’t take it personally" can come across as belittling, suggesting that the emotional investment and personal pride one takes in their work are irrelevant or, worse, a hindrance to professional discourse. This not only devalues their contributions but also diminishes their role in the decision-making process.

The emotion versus rationality misconception

A common misconception is that emotions are the antithesis of rationality. This thinking is totally flawed. Human beings are inherently emotional creatures, and our emotions can coexist with logic and reason. In fact, emotions often drive the passion and dedication that lead to outstanding marketing work.

By dismissing the emotional response that goes with receiving criticism that contains a "Don’t take it personally," we actually do overlook the fact that emotions can fuel constructive feedback, innovative solutions, and deep commitment to one’s work. Acknowledging emotions doesn’t weaken our rational mind, if anything, it does enrich it by providing a fuller picture of the issues at hand.

Oh that gaslighting effect !

"Don't take it personally" also has a gaslighting effect, making marketers question their own feelings and reactions. Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, involves making someone doubt their own perception of reality. When a leader tells an employee not to take criticism personally, they may inadvertently cause them to question the validity of their feelings, leading to confusion and a sense of disempowerment. I have talked to many marketers who have experienced this very same situation, and when digging deeper, it's basically affected their sense of marketing competency, ability and level of confidence.

Instead of creating an environment of open communication and trust, this quick phrase can absolutely stifle it! How awful. Marketers may start to suppress their emotions and disengage, fearing that their legitimate concerns will be dismissed as overly sensitive or irrational. So they'll clam up, they will just not share their views anymore. And as a leader, all you've done is creating a toxic work environment.

We've got to empower responses and reframe feedbacks

To create a more inclusive and respectful workplace, it’s essential to reframe how feedback is delivered and to equip our marketers and their leaders with respectful, empowering responses.

Here are some tips and concrete examples to illustrate my points:

• Always ask for clarification

Response: "Can you clarify which aspects of the strategy you feel are not effective and why?"

This will help shift the focus to specific points of improvement and encourages a more constructive dialogue.

• Always acknowledge the effort and the intent

Response: "I understand the need for improvement. Can we discuss the reasoning behind the initial approach to address our concerns?"

This will validate the effort while opening the door for collaborative problem-solving.

• Invite an open dialogue

Response: "I do value your feedback. Can we involve the team in discussing how we can collectively improve this strategy?"

This will help create a sense of teamwork outside of the people involved in this very conversation, helps share responsibilities too.

• Provide some context and a broader perspective:

Response: "Could you share more about the larger context that influenced your feedback?"

That will help in understanding the feedback as a part of the bigger picture rather than a personal critique. There are often insights and information we don't have / aren't aware of, and this question will make that go away.

As a leader, what can you say instead of "Don't take it personally?"

Say a marketing campaign receives criticism for not meeting expected KPIs. The leader may say "Don't take it personally, but this campaign is a disaster"

A better alternative might be: “I appreciate the creativity and effort in this campaign. Let’s review the results and see where we can make adjustments to better align with our goals.”

See how all of a suddent this sounds? Nothing changes, the campaign still hasn't met the KPIs but in the better alternative, there is a motivational outlook for improvement. The "I don't want to sound negative but..., "Don't take it personally"...are implying this is negative, this is personal.

Say there is a product launch strategy that is under scrutinty for its market fit and the leader says "We need to change the strategy, this is just all wrong. Don'nt take it personally". A better alternative would be to say "Your dedication to this product is clear. Let’s dive into the market feedback and work on redefining a more suited strategy based on these insights.”

Watch your semantics!

Taking things personally isn’t inherently negative; I want to fight the bias we have built around it. It’s a natural response for marketers who care deeply about their work. In our day to day where passion and dedication drive success, we must acknowledge and value these emotions. This always leads to a more engaged, motivated, and innovative brand team.

Speak soon,

Mags

Supporting marketing leaders in becoming intentional, confident and impactful by strengthening their soft skills • Leadership Coach • Mentor • Facilitator • Trainer

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